Attainment

Successful musicfag is successful.

Really need to stop going on 4chan so much.

This Morning I Tried...

...it had a bigger impact on me than I ever thought it would. This is a message to you, because you are worth every minute of my time.

I love you.

WOMAD Checklist

- 2 double barrelled Red Mickey Mouses

- 30 cigarettes

- 2 and a half hours worth of shesha

- 7 spliffs

- "Bantah!"

- "Buttscratcher!"

- "Skins" camp

- 'Roxy Wants Anal'

- Reassurance

- Arrogance

- Hypocrisy

- Sexual references

- Sun and Rain

- Weetos

- Noodles

- Skanking

- Reggae

- Elliott

- Going out in the evening and having a great night

- Lack of self-approval

- Provisional comedy

- Backstabbing

- Sexy tent lady

- Gabby Young

- Shallow betting

We're all in this together, and I won't get out alive.

Day 6 - A Stranger

I remember fondly when I was five years old I was on a train to Wolverhampton with my Mother to visit my Aunt and Uncle on my Mum's side of the family for a week. The train tracks were flooded and we were standing up in a cramped train, since that all the seats were taken. A man behind me offered me some chocolates that he saved for his relative's children, and gave them to me since I was tired and hungry. This man's generosity never left my memory and his kindness and thoughtfulness will never leave me either. I'd like to say thank you so much for looking after me and thinking about other people. Selfless people are hard to come by nowadays, and I'll never forget this memory.

If I ever got to say one thing to you, it would be thank you. You are a kind and gentle person, and that's something that isn't common any more. You are a lovely person and I'm sure your family think the same of you.

Day 5 - My Dreams

My dreams are not materialistic. I do not wish to be a millionaire, I don't wish to have a mansion, I don't wish to have a flash sports car. Those are aspirations, not a dream. My dream? To be remembered. For something. Anything. I wish to become a musician, and make music for the sake of making music. If being a professional musician was just a voluntary job and I didn't get paid, I'd still do it, because I have raw passion for it.

My real dream? To be happy. To be with someone who loves me, to get married, to have a child. To have the loving friends who are still to the same value twenty years down the line.

I don't care what I do, as long as I'm happy.

Day 4 - Your Closest Relative

Lauren Hunter.

I remember back in the day where I subjected her to favouritism as opposed to my other cousin Lewis, which in itself, never was anything personal; we just got on better. I really miss them childhood memories together, because they were the happiest parts of my life, which were spent with you. I remember fondly how much we used to falsely accuse Lewis of the smallest things, all the stuff that we made up and how much fun we had making them and now at adolescence to be great together, and still enjoy each other's company today when we do manage to see each other. I miss you and everyone else on your side of the family very much, and I hope I get to see you more next year when we'll both have a driver's licence, or in my case, hopefully a provisional.

You were the best friend I ever had.

(Yet Another Extremely Overdue) Day 3 - Your Parents

Mother.

You mean an awful lot to me, probably more than any other person on the planet. You've always given me inspiration when I've felt down, and I know I can talk to you about almost anything and for you to be civil about it. You've provided me well in the last five years when you left your old boyfriend's house to go live in our own place, and despite moving house so many times in the last five years, you've always had us somewhere to stay, and you've always been able to maintain a roof over our heads, even if you have taken up one full time and two part time jobs in the process. I'm very lucky to have a mother like you.

Father.

I don't see you as much as I would like to, but I suppose in some sort of fashion that it's a good thing. You're usually at work all the time which is the main reason, but sometimes I worry about you. I worry that when Nan's gone you won't be able to handle your money, and that everything'll go wrong for you, but hopefully, I'm the one who's wrong about this. You've helped me build my character, for when I was just a shy, naive and solitary boy, to now a more self-confident, wise and social person. There's not too much that I can take away from our relationship, but what I can I'm thankful for.

If it was never for you two, I'd still be the boy I once knew. I'm thankful now that everyone knows me as the boy everyone now knows.

(A Very Overdue) Day 2 - My Crush

Darcey Tromans.

She is basically my world. We may not see each other as oftern as we'd like to, but she means an awful lot to me. She's amazingly beautiful, and she's a lovely person. I love how she's so in tune with her atomphere and surroundings, who can take the smallest things out of life, and think big. I think we both can relate to having a similar personality as one another, which is why we get on so great. I've not been this happy with someone in a long time, and it's nice to finally feel like the amount of love you give out, is the same that's given in return. I could write all day about how amazing you are, but I'll keep it short before I start boring everyone else.

I love you.

Day 1 - My Best Friend

I have a few, so I shall mention all of you.

Nekel Delisser.

You are quite possibly my best friend. We have a Turk and JD type of relationship, and it's something that I've never had before. I've never had a true best friend, one of which I felt 100% comftable around, one that I could tell everything to, someone who will back me up in a fight and speaks words of good advice. Some of your morals are wrong, but none of us are perfect. I love our private jokes and how we make something out of nothing. We're basically opposites; I'm white, you're black, I listen to indie, dubstep and metal, you listen to grime, gangster rap and bassline. I wear jeans, you wear tracksuits. This aside, I can say, opposites do attract, and you are my favourite person.

Rebecca Robertson.

We've drifted. Ever since Andrew, we've drifted. Some of that was jealousy, some of that is because I felt somewhat neglected at times, some it is because I'm not sure where we stand anymore. I love you to pieces, I really do and I wish I was your best friend again, but this time, for me to be a best friend back, and not just to try to impress you by being someone I'm not. I miss you. I miss you like hell. I miss what we were. True friends. Whatever happens, I just want you to know that I love you and I will never let us part. Ever.

Aidan Finucane.

You are a fucking legend. One of the best people I've ever met in my life is you. You look after me, you corrupt me, but we don't care, because we're having a good time. The times where I can drink and smoke with you and have an interesting evening is something I don't really get with anyone else. I know you'll back me in a rough situation, and I find it wrong that people judge you before they get to know you. You are a vibrant person, who always makes me happy, even when I feel like shit.

I love all three of you; you are the best friends I could ever ask for.

Then You'll Know Everything.

30 day blog challenge thing.
I'm doing it, yeah.
Then everyone can know me.

I Tried to Fly Today

Only in my dreams will I fly to you, with my wings streched as far as they can.
It hurts.
Alot.

I tired, and I died.

"Too Much Jail, Not Enough Bait"

So, a lot has changed since we last met, allow me to fill you in.

Well, one thing I'm definitely happy about is realising how much I've achived in the last couple of weeks. From what was just fantasy, is now reality.

To quote Chrisopher Reeve: "So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable."

Only one really good thing as happened to me, and to be perfectly honest, I'm not letting that thing go without my life.

I'm petrified of the future, since I'm greatly unprepared for it. There are parts of which I could've done more in than others, but some of this is unchangable now; my idiocy a few years ago is responsable for that. However, I'm not using anything as an excuse against me trying my best, and I don't care how long it takes, or how hard I'm going to have to work, I will get where I want to be, no matter what.

I feel incredibly lucky though, I have so much to show for it. Sure, things could be better, but sometimes, it's better to have too little than too much, and I like that. I'm going to change this however, for I wish to provide a better future.

At the end of the day, no matter what you do, death always awaits. It's just good to be remembered.

Death awaits.

My Heart

is actually racing right now.
& I can't stop smiling.
& I can't believe how much I've achived.
& how lucky I've become.

& I love how short my blogs are becoming recently.
Pahaha.

I've Actually Made Myself Proud

Something that I never thought would come true, is becoming more true by the day and it's getting me ludicrously excited.

I can almost imagine the divine prosperity at it's peak right now, and I've never felt so good about myself in ages.

Perseverance is superficial. It really is.

Everyone's waiting.

Welcome to the Real World, Beta Version 1.5

Today's been different; I actually feel like I'm a different person, a more happy person, a more civilised person, I've actually been inspirated more powerfully than I had expected.

It's a great feeling.

Honorable mention.

Beckoned

Wow, she is extremely beautiful.

So nestled.

She inspires me.

I need this to work.

It will work.

Company

Due to the fact that I'm so keen to share everything about my social life on the internet because I'm a faggot as such, here's something I've been up to recently.

Today and this evening was quite a laugh, and I haven't enjoyed someone's company quite as much as I did tonight in a fair amount of time. Callum came over today, and it was interesting to say the least.

You seem to learn things about other people and realise you also learn things about yourself in the process.

Today was a day of realisiation.

Wounds from a friend can be trusted.

Where is Your Power Armour?

Hello all, my new mix is up for grabs on RapidShare if anyone's interested. Here's a link. Happy skanking ect.

http://rapidshare.com/files/386972259/HuntersMixTapeFive.mp3

c&p ftw.

I'm in Like With Adie White

Tonight's blog will consist of something slightly different that what I usually post. Instead of talking about recent events that I've attended and so forth, I'd like to take this moment to talk about a friend of mine that I've know for just over half a year, yet she is one of the most importaint people I have ever met in my life, since she's had such a big impact on mine.

Just to clarify, making this blog isn't supposed to give off the mood that she's more superiour than the rest of my friends, it's just there's a story to tell, and I feel that without her, I wouldn't of been able to cope in situations when I really needed someone, and when I felt she was the only one who understood where I was coming from.

This girl is Adie White, and she's one of these rare people that you learn to cherish and learn that they will be one of them people you will be friends with for the rest of your life.

She's a lovely, calm and collective person, but also has an edge as well. She listens to me whenever I have a problem, and she always trys her best to make me feel better even in my darkest days. She's easy to talk to, and she fills me with warmth and comfort everytime we speak. She's one of them people where I can be 100% myself, and I know she'll accept me for who I am, and that I don't have to worry about anything. Her music taste is impeccable, something that's rare nowadays.

She is one of the most beautiful people I have ever met, both physically and mentally.

I don't do requests, but she diserves her credit.

She's one of the best things ever to happen to me.

Just wait for others, holding offers. Make way for mothers, holding daughters. Make way for brothers, holding lovers.

Blah, Blah, Blah

Hey people, just decided to write a new blog since I haven't in a while, so I'd thought I'd share what's been happening recently.

Friday night's adventure in Borehamwood was a risky, yet eventful night out to say the very least. Met some really safe people there, and people I'll hopefully meet up with again in the future. Dispite the fact that it had first started out as a field party, the person who it was in aid of decided to go to London instead, giving us the idea just to go to South Mimms instead. However, after a while, that second plan was scrapped, and just came to the idea that attempting an all nighter outside was good enough. Unfortunately, the night was cut short as some dodgy people started turning up where we were, resulting in us having to disband one another, and resulted in me going back home. On the whole though, a great night.

Also, last night was quite decent at the Irish Centre in West Watford, as a few bands who contain members from West Herts Collage's National Deploma course for music showed up to give what ended up as a solid gig. I met some people who I hadn't seen in quite a while, which was pretty cool and it was the first time my friend Cambel had ever been to a local gig, and the second time he'd been to a gig overall, so I was quite honered that I could now get him into the local scene and that he could now get into new bands and meet new people. Definitely can't wait for Carnifex at the end of the month, however.

Hopefully I can start getting back into clog posting again, but since I've got exams and stuff, things might be a bit delayed. Ahh well, bring on the weekend is all I can say.

I Find This Most Impressive

Basically guitar playing on crack.

Promotion For the Masses

Dispite the fact that this blog has received a slight somewhat sense of unwanted notoriety, it's not really going to make me stop blogging and I'm surpassed caring. Just thought I'd quickly announce that I plan to be making a musically orientated project in the near future, possibly in the next month or so, at the start of my summer break. Me and Cambel have been playing together as a duet now for quite some time now; we've been improvising beats and meoldies untill we blister. Just a shout-out of what is expected. I'll probably post some updates on the near future on the situation on how everything's going and stuff. Got a few ideas for a bassist and rhythm guitarist, just really looking for a vocalist. All shall be revealed as it comes. Untill then, watch this space.

As they laugh at the sky, the sky laughs at them again and sighs. As they run their brothers, they too will fall to ruin, speaking of laughter.

I Love the Internet

...and I love how people start random fights with people they don't know via the internet. There's no point getting annoyed about it obviously; that'd only make the situation worse. I love how people take extracts from blogs, and then make a blog themselves that display their hate towards it. I love it when people act hypocritical on the internet. I love it when they start displaying hate towards someone's contribution that in all seriousness has no relevence. They could write a hundred paragraphs displaying hate and unnecessary abuse over something that, quite frankly, isn't really too much of a big deal. It's not like anyone's going to really care what you have to say. It's not as if it makes you a better person displaying that you like to go on people's blogs and criticise them inadvertently. I found it funny to be honest, because for one minute I actually thought I cared about an outsider's opinion. Then I realised I don't. What a shame. Oh well, I'm pretty sure they'll write something about this as well, since that's basically what they revolve their life around. Never mind. Maybe one day they'll realise they're just wasting their time. I hope I made you realise, which I probably didn't, so I'm probably just wasting my time as well.

The Inspirator Becomes Inspired

Facebook Kaddisfly#!/pages/Kaddisfly/7849795038?v=wall&story_fbid=408885705038
This is actually the best moment of my life.

Haze pt. 2

I have to say, the night I lived last night was possibly one of the best nights I've lived so far. It was nice to see some people who I haven't seen in such a long time, and actually speak to them again.

However, a good story always starts with a good prologue.

I spent a good four hours at Rebecca's, looking at Womad performers, typing in random Google suggestions and announcing them out loud and telling Chris how shit he was Call of Duty. Also, an abundance of nerves went through my body on the drive over, as I didn't exactly know too many people who were going to be there, but to my suprise, the night was a lot better than I could've expected.

The night really consisted of drinking cheap cider, smoking cocktail cigarettes, meeting random new people, Andrew and I conversing on our love for each other, talking to a person from Leeds and finding his accent attractive, bass-driven music, random acts of French kissing, conversations about ketamine, mephedrone and heroin, taking pictures to remember key moments of the night, sitting in a hallway waiting for people to sober up, getting loose and using the woods as a natural resource.

Do I need say any more?

Make way for the ultraviolet, teenage riot, don't try it. You can't stop this, you can't stop this. You see, I'm lit like a molotov; get out of my way when the riot kicks off. You can't stop this, you can't stop this.

Haze

Last night was a good night to say the least. First time I've been to a gig for a couple of weeks, so it's nice to see everyone I know from there every once and a while. I'll admit, I did feel slightly socially awkward; since my ex was there, but it didn't ruin the night for me. Okay, I lied, I meant two of my ex's.

I definitely drunk my fair share of alcohol too quickly, and it did result in it's own consequences. However, it did make the music have more of a vibrant feel to it, and constantly had me comparing every band to Kaddisfly, even if they actually sounded more like You Me at Six. I can't really fault Callum last night though; he looked after me, even if I was in a paranoid mood or a slight drunken mess, he stood by me like a loyal friend, and that's something that doesn't really come around all too oftern in friendship.

I met a few people I had met last time I went to Railway, who were nonetheless random encounters. Still, it was nice to see people I knew down there, and to play stupid drunken drinking games like "Drink if You See a Silver Car", and the like.

I was slightly in a mood of dissapointment last night as well about some things, like Mary's absence, Adie and her friends not having a drink with me and Callum because some people in her social group didn't want to go, and the fact that I missed the last band who were supposed to be quite good.

All I can say is now is bring on 29/5. That will be a gig of no dissapointments whatsoever.

My friends, my friends, keep telling me, my friends, my friends, keep telling me no, keep telling me no.

Never Again

Well, it's over. My relationship is over. To be honest, I've never felt so much better about myself. The torment and struggle that I have felt in the last week has caused a lot of mental pain that I could've done without. It's a shame when you feel so strong about someone, only for them to throw it back at you, or to act in that certain manner. I honestly couldn't care less anymore. I'm a free person now, and it feels like bliss. I can go back to being me, without a constant struggle to find an equalibrium between feeling like I'm in a battle with my emotions and trying to get things off my mind. Trying to seperate fact from fiction.

Well, what I though was fact was fiction, dispite covering it up, kidding myself that everything was going to be okay, that everything's fine. Now I can actually take a breath of fresh air. I can actually focus on what matters. All I care about now is getting into collage and the ones who are closest to me, because I know they'll always be there, no matter what happens. I have things to look forward to now. I can go out and not let drink cause me mental upsets, and I can talk with clarity, as well as think with clarity as well. Life just rolls on, and I can't wait.

Well, I love you so much, but do me a favour baby, don't reply, because I can dish it out, but I can't take it.

It Just Twists...

I have no certaincy on anything lately, and it's slightly worrying. To be honest, it's scaring the life out of me. When you love someone and they're not okay, it's natural to pursue what's going on in their head, so you can help them, but what if? What if even that thing is something they can't describe themselves? That they feel so undermined by such unknown causes, that they feel they can't even talk about it. Not even to the ones they love.

"I've watched you."

It causes tears in your soul, because you don't know how to act, how to persist, how to chase after them and reassure them. It causes me paranoia and leaves me in a dead end, with nowhere to go. It causes me breakdowns. It causes me stress. There's only three words I want to hear from you...

"I love you."

I'll stick you a little; enough to your oxygen away. Then I'll set you on fire, 'cause I'm on fire and I'm with you alone.